So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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