if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
