I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
