actually, I'm a sock model
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
