is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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