I cannot find my penis.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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