Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
