Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
