I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize