I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
