even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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