well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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