got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
