there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize