I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
