I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm like, not good at living.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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