last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize