My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
