We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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