Buhtt sex?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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