They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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