somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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