Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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