THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
