It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
