I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
