we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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