At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
