He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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