The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
