I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize