the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
