dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
