I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
