I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
