We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
