There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
