I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
