Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
