belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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