i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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