Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
