i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
