youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
