i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
