I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
