i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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