david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
