She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize