So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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