I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
