You just made me feel so damn special
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
