Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
