I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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