Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
