I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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