remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
