what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
