you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
