Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And then he peed in my hair
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