I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
