I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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