when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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