He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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