He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
