woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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