dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
