Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
