i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
