he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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