I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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