There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
