Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
