She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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