Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
