I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love you. Go after that dick
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
