Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
