I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
