my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
