the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
