I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
