all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize