so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dicks are not precious.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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