You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
