Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
