High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
