Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
