You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
