The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
