Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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