Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
