if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
