I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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