There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize