After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
