We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
