I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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