who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
