sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
