I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize