i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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