My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So vagazzling was a success
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
