No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
