it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
