You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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