He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
