I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
