Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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