I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
