Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
whose ass print is on the piano?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
